Thursday, October 09, 2008

The Hard Way

Sometimes I speak the truth without thinking things through. I say a little too much. But because it's the truth, I can't take it back. And when my words come back to haunt me, I have to stand by them. I just wish they were never heard in the first place.

Maybe I'm still trying to find that line between openness and honesty. Or maybe I'm just disappointed when openness doesn't lead to a reciprocal heart-on-sleeve moment. Or maybe, just maybe, I only want to hear one thing. And think that opening a vein will somehow evoke an identical expression in the listener.

But I cannot will a person to respond according to my scripted version of life.

I'm trying to live a little more fearlessly. Maybe some things need to be said no matter what the outcome. And maybe I need to just let go of what I think that outcome should be.

And maybe I should never speak after midnight.

Sigh. Some people have to learn the hard way. Cue old-school DC Talk.

And yes, for someone who speaks too directly at times, I quite enjoy the word "maybe." Because sometimes the truth is that I just don't know anything.

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