Friday, December 19, 2008


This is the 500th post at OnHerToes! I'm not sure what that means. I'm going to pretend that it's an impressive feat. And will celebrate with a picture of sparkly shoes.

Image from The Cherry Blossom Girl. The most delightful and inspirational fashion blog. Out of Paris. Everyone should read at least one bilingual blog. 

500 posts. Whew. It actually scares me a little, as a simple Googling of my name can result in hours of getting-to-know-Nadine reading. But if I Google you, I will not be so lucky. I'm starting to believe that everyone should blog. To keep things less one-sided. Please, spill your secrets.

Oh, and I don't blog everything. In case you thought this was my entire life. It's not. At all. Sorry if that disappoints you. About 63.5% of my life doesn't make it to the blog. Maybe it will someday. Maybe not.

Looking Back

Me: I've been feeling less fearless.

Her: You mean "more fearless."

Me: No, I mean "more fearful." Wait. That's not right. Shoot. Uh, no fear. Yes. Fearless.

A couple weeks ago, I caught up with a friend. (I also caught up with two friends last night. 'Tis the season to reconnect.) It was a good chat, but because we had a lot of ground to cover, I ended up reliving moments that don't even feel like my life anymore. At one point, I felt like I was gossiping about myself. Nadine2007 was a different woman. In fact, even NadineSummer2008 and NadineWinter2008 have pretty different stories to tell.

I ended up scribbling in a journal late into the night, rehashing things best laid to rest. For me, once I open the vein, I need to just let it bleed out. If I don't sit and let that stream of consciousness make its way to the page, I'll just be preoccupied by memory's fogginess and end up sacrificing my mental health. So it's better to lose an hour of sleep.

There are a handful of people in this world with whom I will share anything. Not because I set out to bare my soul, but because I can't help it. I try to be composed and discretionary, and I end up assaulting them with heart diarrhea.

They're my truth serum.

And in looking back over 2008, I think I've learned to accept that. To take a few risks and speak from a place that isn't always safe and cozy. To not fear that someone will look at me with dagger-eyes after figuring out that I'm insecure, unsure, over-analytic, idealistic or downright insane. And if they do, at least they've made their judgment call based on something a little more real. Because regret is soooo last year.

It's been a good year, all. A very good year.


Before writing this entry, I reread my 300th post:

But there I was, treating my life as a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure tale, wishing I could flip back a few pages to try for a more satisfying outcome.

And I laughed at myself. This "Regret" section no longer applies. My life actually did become a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure tale. And I chose another option. Only to discover that life is messy and fun and I think way too much. I need to invent actual chill pills. And then take them daily.

I think that's why I like blogging. I get to look back and remind myself that my life does, in fact, take twists and turns and generally move in a forward direction. It's easy to miss the adventure sometimes. I need the written word to confirm that I have a life. A lovely one.

Here's to another 500....

(I'll do a 2008 recap shortly. It will be amazing. I hope.)

1 comment:

Beth said...

i love the sparkly shoes. and i love your line..."regret is so last year."

well put! :)