Thursday, June 04, 2009

Adventures In Dress Shopping

Yesterday I attempted to buy a dress. "Attempted" is the key word. By the time I got home after 10, all I had to show for my evening was a dark-chocolate impulse buy, some leaky Diet Coke, a bunch of red grapes and a stomach full of Swiss Chalet. No frock for me.

Because I have a pop-cultured-packed brain, every dress I tried on conjured up a traumatic Tinseltown reference.

First I looked like a Real Housewife of the O.C. Yes, like a well-Botoxed middle-aged woman trying too hard. I hate to use the word "cougar," but....

Then I looked like Goldie Hawn. The geriatric-hippie version.

Then I channeled my inner June Cleaver. I would have purchased that dress if the crinoline were even. But it wasn't. And June would not approve. (And when and where would I actually wear a dress with crinoline?)

Then I looked like a head of lettuce. Which isn't a pop-culture reference, just a fact.

So I decided to stick with the dress I own. I'm going out to celebrate a dear friend's birthday tomorrow, and I'm quite certain there's no rule against wearing something non-new.

The birthday gal also walked away empty-handed. But she almost bought a green dress. Very Joan of Mad Men. VERY. But she doesn't watch Mad Men. So the whole point of this dress-shopping blog entry is to have an excuse to post a picture of Christina Hendricks in her vibrant green curve-enhancing number.

It's a good thing she didn't buy it. Boys' brains would explode.

Betty, Joan and Peggy.


Walking Church said...

call me old fashion..but I do like gal in a dress or a skirt...then again I live with a stepford wife in my little gated community.

The Stepford Wives (1972) is a satirical horror novel by Ira Levin. Two movies of the same name have been adapted from the novel; the first starred Katharine Ross and was released in 1975, while a remake starring Nicole Kidman appeared in 2004. Edgar J. Scherick produced the 1975 version (as well as all the sequels) and was posthumously credited as producer in the 2004 remake.

The premise involves the married men of the fictional town of Stepford, Connecticut, and their fawning, submissive, impossibly beautiful wives. The protagonist is Joanna Eberhart, a talented photographer newly arrived from New York City with her husband and children, eager to start a new life. As time goes on, she becomes increasingly disturbed by the zombie-like Stepford wives, especially when she sees her once independent-minded friends — fellow new arrivals to Stepford — turn into mindless, docile housewives overnight. Her husband, who seems to be spending more and more time at the local men's club, mocks her fears.

As the story progresses, Joanna becomes convinced that the wives of Stepford are actually look-alike gynoids, manufactured in secret at the men's club. She visits the library and reads up on the pasts of Stepford's husbands and wives, finding out that some of the women were once high achievers, while some of the men were brilliant engineers and scientists, capable of creating such life-like robots.

At the end of the story, Joanna attempts to flee the town of Stepford as well as warn her new friend Ruthanne, mother of the first black family to move into the town. The men find her and try to convince her that she's mistaken. They take her to her former best friend Bobbie Markowitz, telling her that Bobbie will cut herself and bleed, proving herself to be human. Joanna enters the house to hear loud rock and roll music playing upstairs and sees Bobbie taking a large knife, and realizes that the men told Bobbie to kill her and use the music to cover her screams. Joanna argues with herself about whether or not she is simply paranoid. As Bobbie approaches with the knife, her last thoughts are that Bobbie will prove to be human and everything will be alright. The scene shifts to the men standing outside, wondering what's taking so long, and one of them leaves to call Joanna's husband and let him know where she is.

In the story's epilogue, Joanna has become another Stepford wife gliding through the local supermarket, while Ruthanne appears poised to become the conspiracy's next victim.

Cee Burr said...

Old navy has dresses and skirts for 15. But I'm guessing it's a little late now for telling you this.