Money Sucks

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."
- Woody Allen

“I guess you’re glad you’re paid by the hour.”

My boss said this to me yesterday. I still don’t know what he meant. He befuddles me greatly. I was carefully complaining about the lack of work available to the English team, and that was his response. A salary would mean I get paid even when I’m sent home early. Being paid by the hour instills a certain fear in most of us. The fear of not paying the rent. Perhaps it is this fear I should be thankful for?

As if my landlord were psychic, my rent has been raised by just over $15 a month. And Rogers has expired my initial cable and internet discounts. Perfect timing. Just as my paycheques start dwindling, my expenses increase.

To make my day even better, I decided to do laundry. I found a sarong in a box under my bed that I want to wear to a Hawaiian-themed birthday party this weekend. It was all wrinkly and musty. I threw it in the washing machine. And then I threw it in the dryer. Then I noticed that it should be hand-washed and hung to dry. Who wears mini sarongs? Oh, I guess I do now.

An advantage to living alone is that I can’t yell at anyone. There’s no point in crying because there’s no one here to feel sorry for me. I just end up spending my evening talking myself out of my pity party and reminding myself that:

A) God is in control (cue Twila Paris, all you CCM fans from the mid-90s).

B) I never wore that sarong anyways. It’s not like I ruined my jeans.

C) Birds of the air are fed, lilies of the field are pretty, and I will not rot/starve here.

D) Maybe poverty will kick my butt into action and get me writing. For money.

Boredom. Absolute Boredom.

I checked my work schedule from home this weekend. I was supposed to subtitle an entire movie today, so I woke up early and showed up with my caffeine at 8am this morning.

Apparently, when LA assigned the project, they forgot that I can’t work on a movie without the movie. I waited for 4 ½ hours for the media to come in. Yes, 4 ½ hours. You can only check your email so many times. I read news headlines, looked at real estate listings, recipes, entertainment buzz, anything to keep me occupied.

I decided to buy my August Metropass during this wait. Shoppers Drug Mart didn’t have them in yet. Instead, I bought dark-chocolate-covered almonds. They were on sale. I ate the whole bag. Not a good idea. So I ended up bored, still waiting, and feeling slightly nauseous.

When the video finally arrived, LA couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t be able to finish it today. This project, if it arrived on time, would have taken about 10 hours. There was no way I was going to stay until 10pm. So I left at 5, promising that I would have it finished before the end of my shift tomorrow.

At least I have work. Only four of us had work today. And three of them were done in two hours. I had nine (with half spent doing nothing).

What did I learn today?

• Tiger Woods cried.
• The Hamptons has a ridiculous real estate market.
• I don’t have enough money to retire. Or live, for that matter.
• Janet Jackson might want kids. Maybe.
• I eat when I’m bored.
• Old instant coffee is disgusting.

Sleeping Dogs

Early last summer, I spent three weeks as a production assistant (working with the art director mostly) on an independent film, Sleeping Dogs. I had a blast, worked hard, and eventually stopped waiting for its release. The director was sidetracked with another project, and it didn't make it to the Berlin Film Festival in January as planned.

And then today happened.

It will be premiering at the Toronto Film Festival as a Contemporary World Cinema selection!!!!
Needleess to say, I am pumped. So if any of you are in the area in early September, come see my movie with me. I will tell you all about the fake vomit I made, the Vaseline I rubbed into the lead's head, the nurses' board I created, et c. I think I'm also in a scene, eating someone's half-eaten cheesecake at Kelsey's.

My name will finally be in the credits of a movie. I have no more goals. I can retire.

Blogging Killed the Conversation Star

Wendy and I were chatting the other day (yeah!) when we hit a strange little bump in the conversation. I was telling her some charming little story about my mostly non-eventful life, when she responded, “I know. I read it in your blog.” That’s right, folks, the blog is now stripping me of conversation topics. I’m not sure if I should tell less, or lie more. I was actually contemplating starting up a completely fictional blog just for fun.

I am now completely ignoring my don’t-share-any-more-stories advice, and will once again spew random thoughts at you. Brain diarrhea, really.

• Brandon Routh is too good-looking. In fact, he’s so handsome he’s not even attractive. Does that make sense? He’s got that vacant-J.Crew-catalogue kind of beauty that’s just a little too boring for me.
• Is Superman supposed to be Jesus? If he is, there are some major metaphor holes going on in that movie. Okay, the metaphor is just one big hole. I think there are two Sons and two Fathers and no Holy Spirit. And Lois Lane is either Mary (the mother) or Mary (of Magdalene) or just some chick who is way too young and skinny. I’ll go with the third option. Eat something, Kate Bosworth.
• Batman is cooler.
• Toronto is supposed to be hotter tomorrow. I just may have to give up breathing. And moving.
• I finally watched What’s Eating Gilmore Grape? Okay, so that’s a bit of a lie. I missed the beginning, and my grandma called me near the end (so I don’t really know what happened). I can, however, confidently admit that Leonardo was brilliant. As was Johnny.
• My church is not air conditioned. I didn’t notice this until today. Again, if I didn’t need to breathe, it wouldn’t have been a problem.
• “It’s better He hurt me now and heal me later than sugar-coat it now and have me suffer forever.” That’s all I remember from the sermon (re: uncomfortable truths: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.”)
• My head hurts.
• If I can’t afford a house and a cottage, I think I’ll go with the cottage and live there year-round. That’s the plan. Now I just need to afford the cottage.
• French fries are great. I had McDonald’s fries today for the first time in-- and I’m serious here-- probably three years. I have missed them. I should eat them more often. To make sure I don’t end up like Kate Bosworth.
• I saw the pilot episode of So Notorious. Here’s the problem: I don’t buy Tori Spelling as Tori Spelling. I was embarrassed for her. And then I was embarrassed for myself for watching it.

That’s all for now, folks. I’m sure I’ll enlighten you all with deeper thoughts and more thrilling stories later. When I feel like writing fiction or plagiarizing. Oh, and for a great laugh, check out the letter from John Cleese posted on my dad’s blog.

Hasta La Pasta,

Nadine

Surveys Are Stupid

Every once in a while, I fall victim to the myspace survey. Unfortunately, today was one of those days. I'm sorry.

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Usually closed. It makes me feel all orderly and grown up.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
What is this hotel you speak of? And maybe.

3. Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room?
Depends on your definition of "it." I once called the front desk and asked for a deck of cards. I was also semi-chased by a security guard.

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No. And if you have, don't tell me.

5. Do you like to use post-it notes?
Yes. It's sad.

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
Nadine, the Coupon Queen. I had free milk on my cereal this morning, I have free All Bran bars in my cupboard, and I'll be using my free McFlurry coupon later this week, I'm sure.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Let's go with the bear. Go big or go home.

8.?
Sure?

9. Do you always smile for pictures?
No. Sometimes I cry.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Slow (or inconsistent) walkers in a moving crowd.

11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
The side against the wall is tucked in. My "entry" side is out.

12. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Only when I'm playing "What Time Is It, Mr. Wolf?"

13. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Isn't that what the woods are there for? I'm sure I have at some point in my quasi-wilderness experiences.

14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Sure. It would be depressing if we were all dependent on music.

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
No. I'm not a fan of touching saliva. Even my own.

16. How many people have you slept with this week?
I think there were about 20 at the cottage. In separate sleeping bags, but still pretty cozy.

17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins?
Are the big tins free?

18. What is your "Song of the week"?
Well, I heard both an East-Asian version and trumpet-solo version of "My Heart Will Go On" this week. Oh, and "Kiss Me," which I actually quite enjoyed (the song, not the verb-- Not that I wouldn't-- Never mind).

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
It's very European to wear a pink shirt with a pinstriped suit. So if you want to convince me you're sophisticated, boys, that was your fashion advice.

20. Do you still watch cartoons?
At work, all the time.

21. What’s your favorite scary movie?
I like thinking-people scary movies (M. Night Shyamalan).

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
Under Johnny Depp's house.

23. What do you drink with dinner?
Water.

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Sweet and Sour Sauce, BBQ, or honey.

25. What is your favorite food/ cuisine?
I like most food. Italian, Mexican, chocolate anything, salads with chicken...

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Life is Beautiful, It's a Wonderful Life, Singin' In the Rain, Braveheart, Newsies, The Notebook, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Batman Begins, many more....

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you?
I believe my grandma kissed me goodbye two weeks ago.

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
No. I was into the Pioneer Club scene.

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
I think I took a phone message for someone a while ago. And I signed a guest book. Quick, someone send me an address!

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
No. Can I drive a car? Now you understand.

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
No. I don't walk fast enough.

33. Ran out of gas?
Every day around 3pm :)

34. Favorite kind of sandwich?:
Meat, cheese, mayo, tomato, pickle, lettuce, mustard, whole grain bread/pita. The works, essentially.

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast?
For my everyday breakfast, there are two options:
a) Shredded Wheat/ Cheerios, All Bran and Skim Milk
b) Eggs, turkey, tomato, salsa and sour cream. Separate or with cheese as an omelet.


36. What is your usual bedtime?
I aim for 10pm.

37. Are you lazy?
Yes, but I'm motivated by it. Seriously. I will be extra efficient with my time so that I have more time to do nothing.

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
Bible characters when I was little. I didn't trick or treat until high school: A chef, an old lady.

40. How many languages can you speak?
Well, I know both UK and American spellings of English. And I'm semi-all right with French.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
InStyle. It's the best one. If you're into style that's in.

42.Which are better Legos or Lincoln logs?
Lego. It's the only one.

43. Are you stubborn?
Only on certain issues. Or on certain days. Or with certain people.

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman?
Conan-- I mean, Leno. Hands down.

45. Ever watch soap operas?
No. Unless you consider Lost a primetime sci-fi soap.

46. Afraid of heights?
Not as long as I'm strapped in/ holding a railing/ et c.

47. Sing in the car?
Depends on who I'm riding with. But sure.

48. Dance in the shower?
Subtle dancing. No concussions wanted.

49. Dance in the car?
You mean streetcar? Man, this survey makes me want to get my license.

50. Ever used a gun?
Yes. A couple times. Watch out. If you stand still for a long time, and I have a loaded gun, there's a chance I might eventually hit you.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
High school grad, probably.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
No, and don't you dare suggest such a thing.

53. Is Christmas stressful?
No. "It's the most wonderful time of the year."

54. Ever eaten a perogie?
Multiple perogies, in fact.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
The homemade kind, fresh out of the oven.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Actress, fashion designer, bank teller (I thought they had all the money), mommy.

57. Do you believe in ghosts?
No. I believe my legs are as white as a ghost.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Very rarely.

59. Take a vitamin daily?
Vitamin C, Calcium (with Magnesium and Zinc), and Vitamin D.

60. Wear slippers?
Year round.

61. Wear a bath robe?
Yeppers. I've got a summer one and a winter one.

62. What do you wear to bed?
In the winter? A tank and shorts. In the summer? Flannel. My apartment has ridiculous temperature control.

63. First concert?
Sharon, Lois and Bram. Amy Grant when I was 11.

64. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?
Neither. Target and K-Mart aren't around in Ontario, so I guess Wal-Mart (but don't tell my brother).

65. Nike or Adidas?
Which one's on sale?

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?
No preference. Where there's junk food, there must be a party...

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
Peanuts.

68. Ever hear of, "gorp"?
Kind of. Some version of trail mix, right? I used to call it "mixed snack."

69. Ever take dance lessons?
No, but I wish I did. I'm a little obsessed with Gene Kelly. I took hip-hop at university, but it was aerobic stuff (I would be thrown out of a club if I tried those moves).

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Hopefully one that he, A, loves, and B, gets paid for doing. Unless he was born into money (but isn't a male Paris Hilton).

71. Can you curl your tongue?
No.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?
No. I got "lose" and "loose" confused.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Yes.

74. Own any record albums?
No. But my dad owns some Larry (as in Norman). Maybe I'll inherit them.

75. Own a CD player?
Yes. I'm broke but not dead.

76. Regularly burn incense?
No. I'm a candle girl.

77. Ever been in love?
With Jesus.

78. Who would you like to see in concert?
U2. That is all.

79. What was your last concert you saw?
I can't remember. Probably Starfield. No, Steve Bell.

80. Hot tea or cold tea?
Hot.

81. Do you know who Bodom is?
No. Should I? Will he/she be offended?

82. Favorite kind of cookie?
I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to cookies.

83. Can you swim well?
Well enough to stay alive. Not well enough to swim the English Channel or anything.

84. Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?
Yes.

85. Are you patient?
Yes. Quite.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
Band. If they're good. I'd rather play a CD than hear a crappy band.

87. Ever won a contest?
Yep.

88. Ever have plastic surgery?
No. I was once told I look like Tori Spelling pre-nose-and-boob job. Why would I want to mess with that? :P

89. Which are better black or green olives?
Neither. I'm not picky at all, but olives are a rare dislike.

90. Can you knit or crochet?
No, but I really wish I could. Especially crochet.

91. Best room for a fireplace?
Living room. Or library. Or bedroom. Or all three.

92. Do you want to get married?
Yes, but some details need to be ironed out first (ie: who is he?)

93. If married, how long have you been married?
N/A

94. Who was your HS crush?
Toby Penner (Jake fans, you know who I'm talking about. Toby, so do you :)

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
Nope. I don't cry very often.

96. Do you have kids?
Not that I know of.

97. Do you want kids?
Sure do. After question 92 gets sorted out.

98. What’s your favorite color?
Chocolate brown. Barn red.

99. Do you miss anyone right now?
I'm sure I do if I meditate on the question, which I refuse to do. I don't want to ruin my evening.

100. Who do you wanna see right now?
Um, Bono? King Hezekiah? Douglas Coupland? Aladdin?

Recent Adventures

I'm a big fan of lists. I make them almost daily. So, in an effort to be true to myself, I will update you all in the form of a list. Apologies to those who aren't list fans. You may get a paragraph or two in the near future.

1. Went to Awesome Cottage. Ben's blog sums it up best. It lived up to its name.
2. I predicted the Italy win. (After I already lost the office pool).
• Me: So, Italy's gonna win.
• Everyone else: Uh, no, it'll be France.
3. I only got bug bites on my right leg. Some swelling, but no disfigurement.
   
4. I get to observe the L.A. trainer at work this week. Yes, I am paid to watch someone teach other people.
   
5. Wendy is coming! Wendy is coming! (My ex-roommate, a Vancouverite now, is coming to TO this week).
6. I got a wedding invitation today and got all intimidated by the "Nadine and guest" part. How do I know if there will be a "guest" in my life this fall?
7. I haven't seen Pirates yet, but I'm excited to soon be a part of the ridiculous financial success the based-on-a-theme-park-ride film is experiencing.
8. The cashier at the grocery store charged me twice for my chicken. Not for my cucumber, not for my tuna, for my chicken. The expensive item. Because I'm made of money.
9. Just saw a trailer for The Prestige. So excited. Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan are my new favorite duo. Perhaps trumping Fred and Ginger.

That's about it for now. Off to pack a lunch, sip tea and go to bed early. I'm brilliant at being an old lady. I went to bed at 8:30 yesterday (cottage recovery).

My Right Foot

I love long weekends. These are the highlights of mine:

1. Friday (not quite the weekend): I see a Canadian tour bus with the lyrics to "This Land Is My Land" on it. "No big deal," you're probably thinking, tempted to skip over this part. Wait for it. Canadian celebrities' faces are painted on a map of Canada on the side of the bus. The usual: Céline Dion, Great Big Sea. And...Hocus Pick. Yes, folks. Hocus Pick is on the side of a bus.

2. Saturday: I do the family thing, hanging out at my aunt and uncle's new place. I decide that I prefer decks and open spaces and country air to smog and humidity and tiny apartments. I should have found myself an aggie when I was at Guelph. Oh, and a couple mosquitoes bite me on the heel.

3. Sunday: I go to church with my grandmother. I remember going with her when I was a little girl, sitting in a tiny church that was mostly empty, listening to a pastor I couldn't follow. What a difference the Holy Spirit makes. That same little church has just moved into a brand-new building, and was overflowing the 400+ sanctuary capacity. To think that this stuff happens in the middle of a farmer's field. Awesome. The rest of the day is spent on a deck, in the backyard, and walking around the countryside. See the one-room schoolhouse my mom went to. So picturesque and non-city. I love it.

4. Monday: I can't really walk. I'm having a reaction to those mosquito bites. My right ankle is double its usual size, with painful and itchy blistering bites. I look a little deformed. I feel like such a wimp, being immobilized by a bug.

That was my weekend: Hocus Pick and a deformed ankle. It was wonderful. Too bad I still can't flex my foot.