One Bus Ride

The following is an account of one bus ride from Toronto to Kitchener. Armed with old CDs and a notebook, I spent my Friday afternoon squished in a packed bus, scribbling down the trivial thoughts that rattle around in my head.

Here we go.

• There’s a guy sitting across the aisle and one row in front of me. The brim of his hat is curled upward; his hair is a mop of unruly spirals. He opens his laptop, flashing his Christopher Lee-as-Dracula wallpaper. Then he turns on Goonies. I’m distracted, even though the film is silent.
• The woman next to me is sleeping, so I don’t have to feel guilty for ignoring her.
• I have a soft spot for Corey Feldman. Thanks to A&E.
• I start playing Twenty, a Reunion Records 20^th anniversary compilation CD I haven’t listened to in years. It’s really too bad that the band Daily Planet didn’t have any longevity.
• The Goonies guy is silently laughing.
• Everyone around me is reading, but I can’t make out a single title. I’m always looking for a kindred spirit in literary tastes.
• Rich Mullins. So sad. I miss him. (Always wear your seatbelts, kids).
• Josh Brolin is snarling in his red bandana. I’m distracted again. And Sean Astin: Goonies + Rudy + LOTR = perfect career.
• Why do I always expect Jerry O’Connell to be in Goonies? Sheesh. It’s not Stand By Me.
• “The passion that ignites us all.” I see this on a Maple Leafs banner. I agree with it. A passion for or against. Bring up the Leafs and you’ll get a passionate response on way or another (or a passionate “I hate hockey.”)
• Why isn’t he watching with the subtitles on? This is a time when my work would seem meaningful and important.
• “Consuming Fire.” Isn’t that the music video with Third Day playing their electric guitars in a large body of water? They should have called in “Consuming Electrocution.” I love Max Powell’s voice. Some don’t, but those people aren’t my friends.
• What would happen if I started lip-syncing on the bus? Or rocking out on air guitar?
• A baby is crying. Note to self: When you have a baby, buy a car. Oh, but he’s so cute. And now smiling. The baby is in front of the Goonies guy. Not I’m doubly distracted.
• I skip Kathy Troccoli. Too pageanty. I feel like I should wear a tiara and spin around slowly.
• Wes King’s more like it. I can play “I Believe” on the piano. Three chords. Four for the chorus. I feel old. I loved this song when I was 11.
• We pass Ikea. The toy store for grownups. I still need shelves. And a house to go with them.
• Clay Crosse. I used to think he was cute (again, when I was 11). “Comes down to a man dying on a cross saving the world.” I need to host a mid-‘90s CCM dance party.
• We pass the building for LavaLife.com. Hmm…No freaking way.
• There’s a cute guy beside the Goonies guy. He just put his book away. Now he’s watching something on his laptop. Stupid glare. I can’t see what he’s watching.
• All Star United. I now feel 12, rather than 11.
• The new objective of this ride is to figure out what the guy besides Goonies guy is watching.
• Gary Chapman. I own a cheesy Amy Grant Christmas special on VHS that he costars in. I saw him open for her in 1995. I still strongly identify him with his ex, which weirds me out a little. Maybe I’ll skip this too.
• Jake. I was going to marry Toby. I’m only half joking. “Believer” is the song playing in the bathroom in Left Behind during Kirk Cameron’s conversion. Still a soft spot (for the band, not the bathroom).
• Pipes are bursting (Goonies).
• I switch the CD to Bebo Norman. Love him (not in a Jake way, though). Lyrically gorgeous. So honest and uncontrived. Kind of folksy rock, I guess. I could listen to him forever. So I probably will.
• The guy beside the Goonies guy put his computer away. I’ll never know what he was watching. I guess I’ll never be a private investigator.
• Traffic has slowed. You’d think it was a Friday during rush hour or something.
• I believe the Goonies may have discovered some treasure.
• “Great Light of the World.” I want to curl up on my bed and listen in the dark. But I’m on a bus.
• The Baby Ruth subplot (Goonies). Doesn’t it always come down to chocolate?
• “I would give my soul just to look at you…. If you found my heart, would you run it dry? Break it all apart just to run and hide?” Again, he’s too honest for standard lighting. The CD needs a good candle.
• Now it’s “Long Way Home.” No kidding.
• I see NDP signs. Um, they better collect those pronto. I believe there are laws that dictate how long they can stay up after an election. And I’m pretty sure their time is running out.
• The baby is crying again. I understand.
• Now they’ve found the real treasure.
• We’ve stopped in Cambridge. Which would be awesome if my parents lived in Cambridge. They don’t. I stay on the bus.
• “So Afraid.” A.K.A. Nadine’s theme song. Perfect. I’m too lazy to write out the lyrics. Maybe one day….
• We pass the Canadian Honey Ham Factory. I am learning so much today. I now know where to get honey ham.
• A coworker visited St. Jacobs a while ago. She was weirded out by the open green spaces. I was weirded out by her.
• We pass Wal-Mart. I think of Nathan. Which is like seeing a McDonald’s and thinking of vegans. Which I do.
• Goonies make-out session. No wonder my parents were careful about what I watched. I could be a tramp right now had they not shielded my eyes from such vulgarity.
• I really should adapt Trixie Belden books into movies. Like Goonies for girls. Not really.
• Bebo: “You came sailing back to me.” I’d like to go sailing. And maybe I’ll come sailing back to someone. Although I’d rather go sailing with someone instead.
• A Kitchener water tower.
• CD switch again. Smitty (Michael W. Smith to those who don’t know him as well as I do). I’m having a nostalgic ride, listening to stuff I haven’t played in ages.
• “You’re my best invention.” There ARE subtitles in Goonies. Well, the translated stuff, anyway.
• Another Goonies make-out session. Sure, they survived. Not worth kissing Josh Brolin over. (I jest. She was probably paid a lot for the movie. I’d kiss him if Spielberg told me to).
• Best Smitty lyric: “But I could never live in a yurt on a diet of Mongolian barbecue.”
• I trip from Toronto to Kitchener = one viewing of Goonies. Exactly.
• Is it wrong that I know the three-part harmonies to “Love Me Good”?
• I’m here!