Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Subway Lessons

It all started with “I like your bag.” Always thrilled to have my accessories complimented, I thanked her and continued with my crossword.

Then she tapped me on the shoulder.

“I know why Adam and Eve had a relationship.”

From that moment on, my subway ride was a complete blur. I wish I had a recording device to capture the non-sequitur ramblings of the lady beside me. This is what she taught me:

  • Adam just wanted a bite. But Eve had the apple. He wanted a bite so he could have a nap. But then God made us have babies.
  • Every night she prays that God would forgive her sins and make her a man in her next life.
  • Women don’t like having babies, which is why single women today call themselves cowboys.
  • Baby girls prefer their dads.
  • Men are better because they’re pilots and know all about San Francisco.
  • Most couples call each other “baby” in public but throw things at each other in private.
  • I should marry a man with a small flat head so I don’t need a C-section.
  • A C-section will hurt my chances at a big family.
  • Her brother and his wife have been married for over 40 years and have no children. She doesn’t understand why not. She’s very willing to look after them.
  • She hopes I marry a man I like (which, oddly enough, is a personal goal of mine).
  • Everyone always says that if women stopped having babies, there would be no next generation. But God could find a way.

And then, just as quickly as she began, she quipped, “Take care,” and was gone.

1 comment:

michael lewis said...

I'd pretty much do anything to make a girl shut up so I could continue on with my nap.