Quote This!

There has been too much brilliance uttered in the past two days to quote here. My brain can't contain it all. If any of you ever get the chance to hang out at my parents' house, bring a pen. Take notes.

"I'd like to see a live-action Care Bears movie. Sort of like Homeward Bound. With lasers coming out of their stomachs."

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"I won't marry you. Or a dead girl. Those are the two things crossed off my list."

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1: Those are your non-alcoholic options.

2: What are the alcoholic ones?

1: We don't have any.

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"I want a Serta chair. With memory foam. Then I can get rid of my bed."

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1: Ooh, look at me. I'm a fancy lady.

2: I didn't say that.

1: I know. That's why I'm mocking you, not impersonating you.

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1: You should make a hat like that.

2: Or I could buy a hat and glue yarn to it.

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"You just made two-thirds of the pizzas accommodate the pickiness of one-fifth of the people. You will never win the Nobel Peace Prize."

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1: You shouldn't have kids for 24 years.

2: So I shouldn't have kids until last April?

3: I think she means 24 MORE years.