Unspectacular Spectacles

"I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out."

~Stephen Wright

Once upon a time, back in the days of Guelph and postsecondary learning, I snapped my tortoise-shell eyeglasses in half. My contacts were causing major irritation, so I ended up spending a few days channeling the classic nerd. I taped the bridge together with masking tape. But it wouldn't hold. So I moved on to duct tape. It still didn't stick. So I used layers of clear packing tape, the edges of the adhesive scratching my face.

I may have skipped a few classes for the sake of vanity.

My glasses were replaced with metal frames. The brittleness of plastic still haunted me.

Fast-forward to Friday night.

It was well after 2. The general rule is that normal sleep and nutritional math do not apply when in Stratford.

I threw my glasses on the bed, washed my face, changed into p.j.'s, and collapsed onto the outdated comforter. Onto my glasses.

If you see me tilting my head to the side, it's merely a vain attempt at making my frames appear straight.

Maybe I should get LASIK.