The Stuff of Life

• This is Vegetarian Awareness Month. Now that I am aware of vegetarians, I think I need to go eat bacon. Wrapped around chicken. (Sam, if you're reading this, I kid. You're my favourite vegetarian. For you, I would make fake bacon).

• Do you dream? In colour? Do you remember your dreams? If so, you're more likely to clench your jaw when you sleep. So never stick your finger in my mouth when I'm sleeping. I will clamp down and never let go. And then I will judge you harshly for being the kind of creep who sticks fingers into peoples' mouth. What is wrong with you? And how did you get into my apartment?

• I'm not sure if it's an inheritance or a hand-me-down, but I am now the proud possessor of my grandma's evening bag collection. Including a fuchsia satin clutch with matching gloves. And a glittery silver clutch not unlike ones featured in InStyle magazine. And a black suede handbag. And a sequined one. Someone invite me to a gala. Please.

• Chuck is still my boyfriend. It’s been two weeks, and we’re still going strong.

• I arrived at work this morning slightly damp and chilled. And then I froze. Some really smart and handsome person (sarcasm on both notes, as no handsome person would do such a thing) on the night shift cranked the air conditioning to 17 Celsius. "That's it, I quit," I thought to myself. But unemployment does not pay the bills. And then I would be cold all the time.

• I went to the mall yesterday to buy a jacket, but came home with sponges and Febreze. The last time I went shopping for jeans, I bought frying pans. A disturbing trend is beginning to emerge. Soon, I will be wearing rags in my clean and domestically fabulous apartment.

• It had been quite some time since having a decent conversation with a stranger at the bus stop. This morning, I met a photographer who used to live in Berlin. His girlfriend speaks five languages. He has a dog. He's lived all over the country, and has great ideas about improving public transit. And he thinks I have a great job.